If your relations are near the break up and you want to get your ex back, you should act and be patient. When something doesn’t suit you in relations with the person you love, the husband or the wife, the girl or the guy, first of all, it is necessary to define what exactly you would like to change in mutual relations with the partner. What, in your opinion, doesn’t suffice in behavior of your partner that relations brought pleasure and did you happy. Indistinct formulations, the type “You don’t give me enough attention”, “It would be desirable, that you thought more and cared of me”, “You could pay to me more time” won’t approach. It is very important correctly and accurately to express the feelings and desires so that your partner had “guide to action”. Concrete formulations allow measuring result. It is important also that you expressed the desires in the positive form and gave the detailed description to desirable behavior. For example, you want, that the partner more time devoted to you then it is possible to express the desire as follows:« I want, that we once a week suited romantic supper ». The negative requirement:« You don’t give me attention »it is necessary to formulate clearer particularly and in the positive form:« I would like, that you have asked me as has passed my day ». Formulating the requirements and desires thus, you promote to adjust relations with the partner, without accusing and without manipulating the partner.
If you were with the partner in relations for a long time, that, for certain, during your dialogue at both of you any unexpressed insults, bitterness, mistrust, fear have gathered. But that something has started to vary in your relations with the partner, first of all, it is necessary to try to create atmosphere of trust, productive cooperation and positive expectations. When you transfer focus of the attention to positive aspects of behavior of the partner each of you starts to look in a new fashion at current problems in dialogue, realizes the responsibility for problems in relations.
Wish to adjust relations with the liked person? Try to the technician who in behavioral therapy is called «behavioral exchange», it means that one partner gives something to receive or strengthen desirable behavior of another. The purpose of behavioral exchange consists in reducing or eliminating undesirable behavior and to replace its desirable. The behavioral exchange switches on two basic procedures:
1. One or both partners should designate that behavior which they would like to see more often. For example, phrase «I want, that you pay to me more attention» can mean «When you come from job, I would like to communicate with you before you will go to sleep».
2. Attempt becomes to increase frequency of desirable kinds of behavior, thus desirable behavior should is remunerated by both partners. For example, the wife can address to the husband with requests: 1) every evening to be interested, as at her business; 2) after job to hang up the clothes in case. In turn, the man can make demands to the woman: 1) to praise him if he makes something for her; 2) to share with him if something starts to disturb her.
Such behavior will help you to get your ex back and to recover your relations.
It is almost impossible to dodge the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too strong about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it interesting again.
